Photo: Sean Ealy

When I was a teen our family lived on a shoestring budget. One day after school I noticed a glaring, bright orange notice with black letters hanging on the door handle of our front door. It was from the electric company. If we didn’t pay our bill the electricity to our home would be shut off. I was a bit embarrassed by this sign on our door and quickly pulled it off, stepped into the kitchen and threw it on the table.

The Bible talks about glaring notices. The Old Testament prophet Habakkuk questions God’s use of the Babylonians in punishing Israel. When Habakkuk asks God to explain, the Lord said, “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it” (Habakkuk 2:2). In other words, God’s warnings can be short and sweet. They can be glaring notices meant to get our attention.

I recently sat with a group of Christian leaders who were planning a special event for our city. The theme for the occasion was the second coming of Christ. As we discussed how to communicate this event, one person questioned the interest people might have in Jesus’ coming. Another member of our group quickly responded, “I find many people I connect with sensing that this world is coming apart at the seams. And they are wondering if the end of the world is going to happen soon. Think of events that have taken place just recently.”

Intensifying Crisis

Our group began ticking off world issues that were causing concern for many: The BP oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, rioting in Greece, a bomb threat in New York, flooding in Tennessee, the failing economy in the United States, the earthquake in Haiti, the volcano eruption in Iceland, protests in Bangkok just to name a few. What struck me was how easy it is to create a list of major crises without much thought. It seems the events around the world are intensifying.

One day Jesus was talking with a group of religious teachers who wanted to see a “sign” from Christ. Jesus said, “When evening comes, you say, 'It will be fair weather, for the sky is red,' and in the morning, 'Today it will be stormy, for the sky is red and overcast.' You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times” (Matthew 16:2, 3). It is as if Christ is saying, “I’ve given you notices of My soon coming, but you can’t see them.”

The world does appear to be falling apart at the seams. Are these “glaring notices” pointing at something that will soon happen? For those who are studying the Bible, we will see the signs of the times and be ready. For those who toss them aside, Christ will come as a surprise (1 Thessalonians 5:2). There’s a notice on your door. Can you see it? Are you ready?

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By Curtis Rittenour. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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It was dark. The garden was quiet and although he’d brought his best friends with him – he was virtually alone. Although he’d asked them to stay awake and pray along with him – they fell asleep.

Jesus went a stone’s throw away from his three friends and fell on the ground. He cried out, “Oh My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me.” He wanted to be comforted, but his friends slept. The same men that Jesus had spent nights praying for, could not stay awake for him during his hours of agony.

He called out to the strongest, a fisherman, used to hours of toil and labor. “Peter, are you asleep? Couldn’t you have watched with me one hour?” His agony was not just emotional and as he prayed for strength to fulfill the plan of salvation, “he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood” (Luke 22:45).

I have no idea how that kind of suffering feels. It was superhuman agony and none of us has been faced with similar pain – although each of us can recall when we’ve been in pain and wished to have it removed.

While reading about Jesus in the garden, I was hit with a somewhat flawed and typically human comparison for what Christ may have felt as he asked to be released from his promise to die for our sins.

I'll Never Forget

It was 3 a.m., September 19, 1974. There were some twinges of pain across my back and lower abdomen. Scott was a little late in coming and I was more than ready to deliver the not-so-little bundle from Heaven. Larry and I went to the hospital. It was dark and I was scared. Twelve hours later, my twinges were replaced with full-blown labor pains.  

I had decided against general anesthesia – which was very popular for deliveries in the South in 1974 – and I was waiting for my physician to give me the appropriate local anesthesia. It wasn’t a large hospital and my obstetrician was in a solo practice. I could hear him in the delivery room across the hall coaching my roommate of a few hours earlier through her birth. I was in terrible pain. No one but my doctor could give me the anesthesia and he literally had his hands full. What little patience I had vanished as the pains increased. When I heard his kind voice assisting the other woman, I got angrier and angrier and found myself yelling at him to come and help me … now! How dare he ignore me when I was in more pain than any human should possibly have to endure. I honestly didn’t think I could stand one more pain and I would have done anything to be pain free – anything except not have that baby. My goal was to be a mother and nothing could make me quit before I accomplished that.

Now, when I try to describe to Scott how much I love him, I sometimes tell him, “You were worth every pain.” Someday in Heaven, Christ is going to sit under a fruit tree with me and instead of dwelling on the sacrifice he made for me, the drops of blood he shed for me and the pain and agony he suffered for me, he’s going to hold out his arms, draw me close to his heart and tell me, “Dee, you were worth all the pain.”

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By Dee Reed. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the New Living Translation © copyright 1996.
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Photo: Andrew Purtell

The 21st century cannot escape the need for clean, renewable energy. Automobiles, cell phones, laptop computers and household appliances, all require some kind of power to make them work. Batteries, solar panels, gasoline and electricity provide the needed current. Likewise, our bodies need energy for optimum performance and health. Good food, exercise, water, rest and positive thinking help create a life that is tuned, toned and fulfilling.

But even this isn't enough. If our bodies, vehicles and homes are charged, but our hearts aren't, eventually our souls will languish. There are scores of mirrored panels near Yermo, Calif., that beam the sun's intense rays into the core a large tower. This simple act results in the generation of energy! Wouldn't it be great if every house had one of these?

Spiritual power

In 522 B.C., a leader from the line of David named Zerubbabel, led a group of Jewish exiles back to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple. They encountered many obstacles. On one occasion when Zerubbabel was overwhelmed, God sent him a message through the prophet Zechariah.

"This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel saying, 'not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of hosts." Zechariah 4:6

In other words, Zerubbabel's work would not be finished in his own strength. The task was too big and the opposition too strong. He could only prevail in God's strength!

We cannot follow God in our own power. We need the reflecting power of His Spirit to energize us each step of the way. This will only happen as we plug into His divine power, through Bible study and prayer.

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By Rich DuBose. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®
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Pastor Kelly tells of an experience he had in jail. It happened as a result of one unpaid traffic ticket. Just how it had remained unpaid, he didn’t say. No doubt, he intended to pay it, but one thing after another in his busy life continued to come ahead of taking care of that little detail.

One day as he was driving through an area where road construction was taking place, Pastor Kelly made an illegal turn. Consequently, he soon spotted flashing lights in his rear view mirror. Pulling over, he waited for the man in uniform to approach his window.

“Good morning,” the officer said. “Did you realize you just made an illegal turn?”

Pastor Kelly began stating his case, explaining his logic in making the turn due to the abnormal driving conditions created by the road construction. Pastor Kelly made a good case, and the officer actually decided to let him off.  But when the officer did a routine license check, he then discovered the unpaid traffic ticket.

“I would be willing to overlook the violation of today due to the construction,” said the officer as he returned to Pastor Kelly’s window. “But I can’t forgive the traffic ticket that I just discovered in your name. You’ll have to go to jail.”

Bail

Pastor Kelly' face dropped, knowing there was no defense for this one. He would have to go to jail. It was Sabbath, which made it even worse. But what could he do? When the law has been broken, the offender has to make it right. As Pastor Kelly approached the jail, however, he wondered when he would ever get out. Bail would need to be set, and the judge wouldn’t be available on Sunday. Then Monday happened to be a holiday, so that was out. Pastor Kelly realized that he would be in jail from Sabbath until Tuesday. Unless he could somehow get through to the judge.

After making a couple of nonproductive calls, Pastor Kelly called a pastor friend of his, who happened to also be a friend of the judge. After explaining the situation, Pastor Kelly’s friend made a call to the judge. Soon bail was set and Pastor Kelly would  be released before Tuesday.

Naturally, Pastor Kelly was relieved and immensely grateful to his friend for speaking to the judge in his behalf.  And as he shared the story with those of us listening, his point was that as powerful as the judge was, the important thing was to know someone who was a friend of the judge.

In the case of our own eternal destinies, we are going to make mistakes along the way. But the critical thing for us to remember is who to call when we are in need of forgiveness. There is One named Jesus who knows the Judge personally and who is ever ready to plead our case.

"If anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father (Judge), Jesus Christ the righteous” (1 John 2:1).

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By Gwen Scott Simmons. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION © 1982.

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Rick and his wife were artists who lived in an old farm house near my home growing up. I loved to visit them. They were potters who made their living with their hands, their hearts, and their artistry. In the back of their home was a small, but ample studio where their incredible creations took a variety of shapes. From coffee cups and saucers, to intricate vases, their love and craftsmanship was visible in every item that they produced. No wonder their items commanded such a high price all over the world.

They made it look so simple but after trying my hand on the pottery wheel in high school, I came to understand that it is anything but easy. The clay has to be prepared prior to its turn on the wheel, and its consistency and workability need to be just right. The thick, lifeless lump has to be properly centered on the potter’s wheel, and as it begins to turn faster and faster, the right amount of pressure must be applied to bring shape and continuity to it.

My first attempts at making something beautiful were disasters, but after some practice I recognized that good pottery takes time, patience, and a willingness to keep working at it. Most of the time I would go back to the kneading table and start over. I put in hours on the pottery wheel, and then one day I watched in wonder as a vase emerged almost magically between my slurry covered hands. It was a magnificent moment that I will never forget. 

Simple and Useful

My mother still has the vase, and keeps flowers in it from time to time. When I look at it now, it seems quaint and simple, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Its beauty lies in its usefulness and in the thought that it was made with loving care. It is a vessel that honors my hard work in school.

It reminds me of the analogy that God often uses in Scripture about how the Great Potter creates something beautiful of our lives.

“So I went to the potter’s house, and sure enough, the potter was there, working away on his wheel. Whenever the pot the potter was working on turned out badly, as sometimes happens when you are working with clay, the potter would simply start over and use the same clay to make another pot” (Jeremiah 18:3,4).

Before we come to our Creator, our lives resemble raw potter’s clay, misshapen and misunderstood. But the Potter sees beauty in every lifeless lump, and through the pressure of eternal, loving hands, our spiritual “shape” changes.  It takes work and time on the “wheel,” but the Potter continues to mold and shape us until we become vessels of honor and usefulness. It’s a continual process, but one that brings eternal beauty to our lives.

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By Michael Temple. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the THE MESSAGE / REMIX ®
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My teen-age son had been bugging me for a motor bike. After putting him off for a while, one day I thought, Why not? He seems responsible enough. So we started shopping. Then we saw the ad for a bike in our local newspaper, and drove out to look it over.

The owner was a friendly guy, and the bike looked good. I asked the owner if he knew of any problem with the bike. He said he was a Christian, and that the bike was in good condition. So, after my son, Rich, had taken it for a short spin around the block, I wrote the man a check, and we left with the bike and one happy teenager.

We soon learned that the motor bike was not okay. When the repair shop checked it out, they found it had major transmission problems. When I called the guy we had bought it from, he made it very clear that we had bought it “as is,’ and that no way would he take it back. I told him, “I thought you said you were a Christian!” His reply: “I am a Christian, but business is business.” His exact words.

Miss It

Someone has said, “If you can have religion and not know it, you could lose it and never miss it.” It seems that some Christians have lost it. And those who do business with them are the ones who miss it.

The Bible says, “You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept…If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand” (Matthew 5:14, 15).

Our world needs shining Christians—not closet Christians. What kind of Christian are you?

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By Bob DuBose. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE ®.
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Sitting in a quiet corner of the library, I took one more look at my biology notes. It seemed hours had passed since I had started studying, yet the clock told me otherwise. There was a sinking feeling as I realized how much I had to go over for today’s exam. I felt frustration creeping in.  I thought of  the long years ahead of me as I studied to complete college and then medical school. I silently prayed asking God, "is this really Your plan for my life?"

Some days, it’s hard for me to see what God has planned for my life. The day starts off bad, and everything seems to go downhill from there. Nothing is going right, maybe for the first time today or for the millionth. I ask God for help but He seems so far away. My instinct is to turn to earthly pleasures: movies, music, novels, but these remedies do not suffice. They do not fill the hole that has been created within me.

I may think that by filling my mind with superficial things, the hole inside me will somehow disappear or begin to repair itself. I have to realize that the only solution, the only remedy that could ever make the void I feel slowly fade away is God’s love. God promises me He will always be there, no matter what the circumstance or situation. His plan for me is more than I could ever imagine. I have a window view of what He has set out for me. He has a mountain view of the life He has prepared for me.

Promise

Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I can hold on to this truth, to the promise that God has made to me. If my trust is in God, there is nothing in this world that can keep me from all that God wants me to accomplish.

When things get rough, and you don't see God's leading in your life,  lift this prayer to the Lord.

My heavenly Father, I know sometimes it gets hard to see where You are leading my life. I pray for perseverance and faith in the promise through Jeremiah that You have given me. Thank You for always being with me, no matter the circumstance or situation. 

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By Jennifer Camps. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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Photo: Viv Van Der Holst

Somewhere deep in the corner of our basement is a cardboard box. Inside this box are several shoe boxes full of love letters that my wife and I wrote each other while dating in college. I told my children they were personal and not to read them. (I think the letters might burn their eyeballs!)

One summer, while working at a Christian summer camp for children, I wrote letters several times a week to her. I enjoyed writing letters to my sweetheart, but it was even more exciting to receive letters from her. Nothing could make my day more special than to receive a love letter from the one I loved (except getting to see her).

Writing love letters is one way lover’s hearts are bound together. Each note may seem small, but over a period of time these personal expressions of love create stronger ties. Like threads around a person’s wrists, a few strands can be easily snapped, but dozens of strands cannot be broken without much effort. Many married couples have lost their first feelings of love for their spouse. Counselors tell us that if they were to repeat some of their early acts of affection those feelings would return.

We are Dear to Someone

God has sent us a love letter—the Bible. In the written word we find expressions of love and commitment. The Lord longs to be with us. God misses us very much and has feelings of affection for us (See Deuteronomy 23:5 and Zephaniah 3:17).This love is so special and life-transforming that it changes our lives for good. We are loved. We are valued. We are dear to Someone.

The Bible also compares Christians to a letter to be given to the world. The Apostle Paul writes: “You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody” (2 Corinthians 3:2 NIV). Not only has God sent us a love letter in the Bible, but calls us to be love letters to the world. As we live for Christ, others will read in our lives God’s love for them. The Lord could have chosen angels or even emails to send messages to the world, but God chose you to communicate a precious message of love.

Some people have lost their first love for the Lord. Your life may be like threads that bind people’s hearts to God. When Jesus Christ lives in your heart, it will be like a wonderfully penned love letter to those around you. Paul continues, “You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts” (2 Corinthians 3:3). Your life can be a love letter from God to other people.

It’s fun to read old love letters. Perhaps it is time to write some new ones—today.

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By Curtis Rittenour. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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“Being conservative is a sin,” stated the young guest preacher at our church. “It will kill us.”

I glanced around warily at my fellow parishioners. Didn’t this sleek California boy know his audience? We are Mid-westerners—the children and grandchildren of sturdy, practical homesteaders and farmers. Our forbearers would never have survived the howling winter blizzards or sun-scorched summers of blowing sand without the mottos of “Waste not, want not” and “Save for a rainy day.” Conservation was necessary for survival. No one squandered money, energy supplies or words.

“We must be generous—even lavish—in our responses to Jesus,” the speaker went on. “Christianity is all about Jesus Christ, not about rules or laws or buildings or organizations. Christianity is to use, not to have. An attitude of protectionism will lead us to institutionalism, which is soon followed by death.”

He then pointed out that the goal of Christians should be to “give it away, use it up, pour it out, so you have nothing left when Jesus Christ returns. Christianity can never be a calculated love. It must be a love of abandonment, of total immersion, of surrendering everything to Christ. It’s not about us, or what makes us happy. It’s about Jesus Christ and what He did and is doing for us.”

Given Away

As I mulled over these thoughts later in the day I realized how strong the “protect and preserve” attitudes of my ancestors were and how they have trickled down to me. Yes, some things must be protected and preserved, such as the love between husband and wife. But other things need to be used or given away, not saved up.

So today I am resolving to practice extravagance. When people knock on my door collecting cans for the local food pantry I’m not going to hand them one or two. I’m going to give them all they can carry. I’m going to go through our closets and give away extra coats and gloves and blankets because someone could be using them right now. I’m going to pick the flowers that bloom in the garden and give them away. I’m going to set the table with Grandma’s china every Sabbath. I’m going to use our best sheets and towels for everyday. I’m going to serve the special home canned applesauce whenever anybody wants it. And no matter what, I’m going to hug my teenagers every day.

Most of all I want to be lavish in my love to Jesus Christ. Of course I realize that any love I can give is only a reflection of God’s love already poured out to me. And that love is by far the most generous, the most giving, the most extravagant of all.

"We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

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By Brenda Dickerson. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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I close the laptop and rub my forehead in frustration. I feel like my life works around a pattern. A very unpleasant pattern that consists of me making plans, getting way too excited about them, and leaving God completely out of the equation. The only thing that gets me out of my pattern is usually a slap in the face, which came today in the form of a very negative bank statement.

It’s a lesson I never learn, it’s not like this hasn't happened before. My mind flashes back to a couple years ago when my favorite artist was releasing a new album. I got really excited, the unhealthy kind of excited, and stayed up past midnight in order to download the album. In the middle of the download, my computer completely shuts off. I should have gotten the message: I was making this album far too important; I was making it a god. But, I did not exactly ‘get the message’. I restarted the computer and tried again.

When I make a plan, not many things can end my resolution to make it come true. In the end, after having bought the album twice and the computer dying, twice, I took a step back and looked at myself. It was nearly 2 a.m and I was showing complete devotion to my plans, more than I had ever shown God. I managed to get the album, but decided that I could wait a few days to listen to it, and spend some time with the real God.

Obsessing Over My Plans

Flash back to the present, and here I am doing it again. Obsessing over my plans for the summer, desperately trying to make money in order to do all that I want to do, never once asking God what His plans for my summer are. I needed that slap today, that negative bank account, in order to take that step back and realize what’s really important.

Fortunately for my pattern and me, God has a pattern of His own. It consists of forgiving me and showing me endless love, no matter how many times I mess up. Two years ago, His pattern led to Him allowing me to listen to the album through a friend of mine who played it in his car. I remember leaning back in the seat and shaking my head with a smile on my face, thinking to myself God, you love me too much. Today, that album contains my favorite Christian song, and never fails to remind me how strong God’s love is. And, today, His pattern cleared the negatives in my bank account.

Did I deserve a happy ending? Absolutely not. But I learned today that God does not wish to deny me the things I want, His only wish is to be in my life, making far better plans for me than I could ever make for myself. I pray that I remember to not focus on my plans or my pattern, but His. I pray that I remember what Proverbs 16: 3 says: “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.”

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By Raquel Levy. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION © 1982.

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Tears stung my eyes as frustration broke through my giddy, excited state. I’d been determined to keep a happy attitude in order to still the fear of traveling alone. It proved harder than I thought once the van driver started yelling at me. All alone at the airport in a country I’d never been to, I couldn’t find the place where the driver had told me he’d pick me up. After fifteen minutes of waiting at the wrong place, I received his angry phone call and heard his rapid yelling in Spanish. I got myself to the second floor, the right place, and waited at terminal B.

I was alone with my failure for six hours in the back of a van, filled with people I’d never seen before and would never see again. Then I remembered the resolution I’d made to myself a long time ago. Learn something positive from everyone you meet. Now that's a fairly easy thing to do, under the right circumstances. It’s easy to find the positive in the man waiting in line with you at Starbucks, who tells you his compelling life story, or the woman at the supermarket who handles her screaming toddlers with patience and expertise. Not so easy to do when a complete stranger is yelling at you for not doing something you didn’t know how to do. Or when the old man sitting next to you in a beat-up van is asleep a mere inches away from your face.

Time passed, and the old man woke up and we got to talking. I learned that he was extremely smart, and knew, and was accepting of, cultures that weren’t his own. Lesson learned:  Be less self-centered. The old man was dropped off at his desired location, and then so was everyone else but me. I was left alone with my “best friend,” who had yelled at me.

Impromptu Tour

I moved closer to the front and he asked me if it was my first time in Puerto Rico. When I answered that it was, he proceeded to give me an impromptu tour, even in the complete darkness, as he drove me all the way to where I needed to go.

I learned so much, and not just about Puerto Rico. I learned that he lived an hour away from where he was dropping me off, and had a long way to go before he finally got home to his family. I learned that driving me all the way up the mountains usually cost more, but he wasn’t going to charge me any more than the standard rate, and that he was a man true to his word. He didn’t even accept a tip, no matter how much I insisted.

I realized that, whether it had been my fault or not, I had made him late, delaying him, and everyone else on the van, from getting home. He could have scammed me, dropped me off at a bus station instead of taking me all the wayto my destination, and I wouldn’t have known that he could have done better. Lesson learned: Don’t ever, ever, assume that everything about a person can be determined by a first impression… and get better at learning life's lessons. 

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By Raquel Levy. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Daniel Mohorovic

Three guys walking on a beach together stumble on an ancient lamp. As they pick it up and hold it, suddenly a genie pops out.

“For freeing me from my prison,” says the genie, “each of you will receive one wish.”

The rancher among them says, “I’d sure like to be back on my ranch with all my cattle.” Poof! He’s gone.

The cabbie says, “I’d sure like to be back in New York City driving my taxicab.” Poof! He’s gone, too.

“And what is your wish?” the genie asks the third guy.

“Well, I’m kinda lonely here with the other guys gone. I wish they were back with me!” Poof! Poof! Welcome back guys!

Chronically Lonely

A Gallup poll a few years back discovered that one in three Americans are chronically lonely. Busy work and family schedules, geographic mobility, divorce, and fragmentation of families are all increasig a sense of isolation and a deepening need for meaningful relationships. Which heightens the significance of knowing how to build good, healthy relationships.

Remember the hugely popular TV sitcom "Friends," the ongoing stories about six young adult friends living in Manhattan? The show triumphed for 10 seasons, essentially helping to define or at least describe American relational culture. The show’s theme song stated:

“See no one told you life was going to be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA. It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear, when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year. But I’ll be there for you (when the rain starts to fall). I’ll be there for you (like I’ve been there before). I’ll be there for you (cause you’re there for me too).”

Who among us wouldn’t want to enjoy that kind of relationship with others? So what does it take?

Fostering good relationships is about providing spaces to nurture meaningful connections with each other and others, where we’re learning how to say “I’ll be there for you ….” Having good relationships might not be as easy as rubbing the magic genie’s lamp—but who knows—your deepest wishes could come true.

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By Greg Nelson. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Hemera

I was recently talking with a young woman whose marriage seemed to be crumbling before her eyes. She and her husband were both unhappy. They seemed to fight and bicker about everything. Anger and resentment were destroying their affections of warmth and love.

Many women today are not happy with some or most aspects of their marriage. Husbands do not always perform as expected. Marriage is hard work and rarely works well if both partners are not willing to put forth the effort required.

Whether your husband is a man of God, with habits you don't like; or is an unbeliever who has a long way to go before becoming the man you wish he'd be, there are things you can do to help.

Pray your way

In any relationship it takes two people to argue and fight. So, to begin your journey of marital renewal, think about your own habits and attitudes. Write them down. It's hard to change habits you've had for a long time. It can even be painful. But Scripture tells us that all things are possible through Christ.¹ Through daily prayer God will provide you with the strength needed to change your behavior.

The key is prayer. Whether you need help with daily frustrations, or help forgiving your husband of a wrong he's committed, God is there to guide, comfort and help.²

“Cast your burdens upon the Lord, and he will sustain you: he will never let the righteous fall” (Psalm 55:22).

What a powerful verse? We're invited to give our hurts, disappointments, and failures to God, knowing that He hears each and every word.³ Keep a journal of your prayers, write as you pray. List your prayers for your husband, yourself, your marriage, and other people you feel compelled to pray for.

It's impossible to harbor anger toward someone you are praying for. The man you vowed to love and honor should be the most important person in your life. He deserves your prayers and petitions on his behalf. More importantly, he needs your prayers.

Why not make it a point to pray for every aspect of your marriage, from finances to the intimate times you share, all are of great concern to God.⁴

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By Melissa Ringstaff. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

¹ Philippians 4:13
² Isaiah 58:11, Matthew 9:22, Psalm 55:22
³ Proverbs 15:29
⁴ 1 Peter 5:7


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Photo: Andrew Bassett

Men, have you ever been asked by your spouse (or a friend), “What are you feeling right now?” And, if you are like many men, you respond, “I haven’t a clue! I can tell you what I think, but I really don’t know how I feel.” Some men have said to me, “Who cares how I feel anyway? Are feelings important?”

God created us to be relational and one important way of connecting with others is by reflecting on our feelings. Some would say that emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are. What you “do” with your feelings—now that’s another story. I don’t personally recommend you spend a lot of time obsessing about how you feel. But they can be very helpful in connecting with yourself and with others. For instance, if you are going to live with your wife in a “considerate” way (see 1 Peter 3:15), it would be very helpful to have some idea of how she might be feeling. You cannot empathize with another unless you are somewhat in touch with your emotions.

Feelings help you to understand what is going on inside of you. When your self-awareness is low, you can live reactively without giving much thought to those around you. Your behaviors impact those around you. Completely ignoring your feelings can make your heart hard. God wants to replace our hard hearts. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” This text is not gender specific.

Indicator Lights

One way to understand the value of your emotions is to compare them to indicator lights on the dashboard of your car. When an oil light goes off, you can ignore it or even put a piece of tape over the light and say to yourself, “Stupid lights. They don’t mean anything.” But, you just might find yourself with a destroyed car engine. When an indicator light goes off, what do you do? You check under the hood to see if there really is a problem. That’s what feelings can do for us. They can grab our attention and help us to reflect on what’s going on.

Sometimes our feelings are based on distorted facts. That’s why it is helpful to stop, own them, think about what they are telling us, then reflect on the facts. For instance, your wife might say to you, “Honey, I’m concerned about your weight.” You might immediately feel attacked or condemned. And you might think, “I believe she thinks I’m fat and wants to get rid of me.” Here is where most reflections end. It would be much better to push another step ahead and check out what she is thinking. Tell her how you feel and ask her if what you think is what she meant. How many men would be surprised to find out their wives were thinking, “I’m concerned about your health because I love you.”

Thinking about feelings can be awkward for most men. It can feel embarrassing to try to figure out what you are feeling, let alone share those with your spouse or friends. But owning your emotions and sharing your heart can help bring you and your spouse together. Give it a try. You might be surprised at how you feel when you are done!

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By Curtis Rittenour. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

(Footnote: You can find sample lists of feelings to look at when you are probing around trying to identify how you feel. See http://www.wwme.org/feelings.html for a simple list.)

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Photo: Linda DuBose

Long ago, when for many, paper and postage fees were an expensive luxury, receiving a letter was an event and sending one was taken very seriously. With very tiny, even script, line upon line, every bit of space on each precious sheet of paper was uniformly filled, both front and back. The very dedicated then turned their papers 90 degrees and continued to write on top of, and perpendicular to what they had already written.

Imagine the time and effort that went into writing such a letter. Imagine the thrill of receiving such a masterpiece, knowing fully the cost for paper, postage, and the time spent. Imagine holding in your hands and reading this evidence of love, labor, and devotion.

Throughout the ages letters have held special value. One fine writer, Paul, thought highly of letters. His prolific hand describes a particularly valued letter with a slightly different twist. “You,” he said in a message to his beloved Corinthians, “are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody” (2 Corinthians 3:2). Imagine that, being a “letter” known and read by everyone. Someone had to write that letter… but who and how?

As a parent, when I look at my children and realize that in many ways, they are a “letter”, known and read, I can’t help but ask myself, “What have I been contributing to these letters? What have I written on the hearts of my children? What have I written there for others to read? What does God read? Does he see a skimpy note, a hastily scribbled memo, a patchy paragraph? In my hectic world of scurry and run, what could I write that would be most meaningful and most lasting?”

Parting words of a long-ago father come to mind—words from one Father passed on to his children. “These commandments that I give you to today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children” (Deuteronomy. 6:6). I see wisdom in this, but how do I do it? How will I ever have the time?

The words of this long-ago father continue with an answer. “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road. When you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:7).

Little Moments

What is he saying? I think he is telling me to make the most of little moments; moments at a stop-light, moments in the grocery line, moments waiting in the car, moments before sleep, moments before breakfast, moments standing in front of the bathroom mirror.

Here’s an idea for using those moments. Take a look at Psalms 119. It is filled with words of hope, and courage, and longing… “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you,” the writer says. There it is again, getting those words to the heart but how to make them stick? Again this Psalm presents us with an idea.

In the Hebrew language, Psalms 119 is written as an acrostic poem—the type of poem where each stanza has a beginning prompt, one of a successive listing of the letters of the alphabet.

We can use a similar memory device to help ourselves and our children remember scripture. Imagine learning a verse for each letter of the English alphabet. That would mean knowing 26 verses!  If that sounds too big, you might begin with something smaller and perhaps even more meaningful. Why not use your name?

Try this. For each letter, select a verse that has significance for you. A name-acrostic could look something like this:

B – Bless the Lord, Oh my soul.  Psalms 103:1 

E – Every good and perfect gift is from above.  James 1:17

T – The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.  Psalms 118:7

H – He cares for me.  1 Peter 5:7

The next time you and your kids find yourself waiting in the car, waiting at the dentist, waiting for Dad to get home… do some penmanship. Work on the letters of your hearts. In filling empty moments with wonder-filled ABC’s, you will write a beautiful letter for all to read.

Need help finding verses for your letters?  At Focusonthefamily.ca/AtoZ you will find a downloadable PDF of the alphabetic Bible verses.

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By Rene Ammundsen. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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Photo: Benjamin Ach

As a child growing up, one of my very favorite places to hang out was my grandparent’s house. They didn’t have a lot of luxuries but there was a certain humble peace that pervaded their home, and I loved to be there.

The food was simple but there was plenty of it. Every evening around midnight, “Papa,” would rise from his bed and make his way into the kitchen in his pajamas for a cup of hot chocolate. How excited I was to join him in his nocturnal routine.

There were never boxes of expensive cold cereal in my grandparent’s cupboard. Hot oatmeal was the fare every morning; even the cat ate a small bowl of leftover porridge for breakfast!

My grandparents never used soap pads to clean their pots and pans. Instead they scrubbed them with old balls of rolled up tin foil.

They never owned a color TV or air conditioner but when they died they left a respectable inheritance to their two children. Nana and Papa had mastered the art of living comfortably on a small budget.

If followed, the following four budget stretching principles will save thousands of dollars over time, regardless of your income:

1. Don’t Waste!  Americans throw away more than some cultures subsist on. Set your thermostat up or down a degree or two to conserve energy. Use solar heating by opening blinds on sunny days to warm your home in the winter. Open windows at night to cool your home in the summer.

Turn off lights when not in use; turn off water when brushing teeth and scrubbing dishes.

Donate unused items to charity, or sell them at a yard sale or swap meet. Use really old clothes for rags and save on paper towels! 

Trade in your gas guzzling SUV for something more economical.

2. Plan Ahead!  Pay car insurance premiums “up front” to save on monthly installment fees. Save gasoline by combining all your errands on one day. Start out earlier and save on gas and stress by driving slower.

Buy airplane tickets at least three weeks in advance; take advantage of Internet specials.

Ask your CPA for an “early bird” discount if you do your taxes in January before the rush.

Pack your lunch the night before. Eating out can cost thousands of dollars per year and the food is generally not as healthy as you might prepare.

Buy clothing in January taking advantage of the biggest sales of the year. Shop at thrift stores, consignment stores and outlet malls. There are even grocery outlet stores that offer food at amazingly reduced prices.

3. Save!  Experts recommend 5% of your income. If your paycheck is $1000, save $50. If you gross $2000, save $100. In this way you will eventually be able to pay cash for larger items such as furniture, appliances, a newer vehicle, or a family vacation, instead of purchasing these items on credit and incurring high interest rates.

4. Give!  Giving to others and giving to God ironically sets a cycle in motion that stretches your budget in amazing and unexpected ways. Some call it karma; the Lord calls it sowing and reaping. In God’s economy, when we give, we receive and when we bless others, we are in turn, blessed.

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By Kathy A. Lewis. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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As I recall swings of my childhood, I equate the swinging with happy memories. How is it possible to swing and not feel happy? There’s an elation to the movement, be it just up in the air a little ways like a porch swing or a glider that simply moves back and forth or one that allows you to fly high up as a tree swing or a gym-style yard swing.

I remember an old, fat dog named Judy, who used to sit and seemed to smile at me when I visited a childhood friend and we sat on her swing and giggled. Over the years, a variety of cats shared swings with me. My cats always shared my secrets with me or at least I told them my secrets.

I even hold memories of a long vine swing that hung high in a woodland tree that was communally owned (the swing, that is) by many kids. It seems that swing was always there. I have no idea who first put it there in the trees, probably a father who wanted the neighborhood boys to enjoy pretending they were Tarzan. But we girls enjoyed it too.

My happiest childhood swing times however were sitting on a homemade swing, hung from a great old tree, with a wooden seat made by a friend’s dad.

An early parenthood memory is a tandem swing we bought for our backyard. The kids loved it! Four swingers could fit and swing at a time. It not only served as a fun swing but as make-believe trolley cars and airplanes.

Good Family Memories

Swings definitely hold good family memories for me. As my husband and I grew older, a porch swing became our swing of choice, though styled differently from earlier ones. It hung from chains in an A- frame. Yet it moved just the same way. We held hands for long spells as we sat and on summer evenings, swinging and talking. We usually talked happy-talk but sometimes the talk turned to problems we faced. It seemed the very act of slowly swinging helped us come to a resolve.

We’ve downsized now and have no room for a full-sized swing on our small porch. Recently we visited new friends who are swing enthusiasts. They have five, two on their front porch, two on their back patio and one in a picnic area they’ve built on their acreage. When I saw those swings, I turned into Goldilocks and just had to try them all. Such fun.

Swings even make me think of the Bible. For me they are like the soothing sounds of a harp such as David might have played. They bring a sense of joy, erase cares of the day, and provide relaxing moments. Yes, and even serve as a place to solve family problems.

A new small love seat-style swing is soon to replace the folding chairs on our small apartment porch because we don’t have Israel’s sweet singer/harpist around but we remember the next best: a swing.

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By Betty Kossick. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Photo: Hemera

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” William Shakespeare

I mean no disrespect to Shakespeare, but I think there’s a lot to our names. Now that I’m a grandmother, I’ve been able to watch my children go through the agony of choosing just the right name for each prayed-for baby. I remember doing the same thing with my children. I certainly didn’t want them growing up with a name they hated or a name that had a negative meaning.

I often wonder what in the world my parents were thinking when they named me. The warfare surrounding my name began 58 years ago on a small Virginia farm. My parents were so excited and proud to have a baby girl. Their carefully chosen name for this bundle of joy was Dixie Dolores. They decided to call me Dolores, since Dixie was my mother’s name. Dolores! My first remembrances of being called Dolores were negative ones. I just didn’t like my name. Then I began noticing that very few people spelled it correctly -- the Spanish way – the right way. Of course, when I found out the root word means pain in Spanish, it only added insult to injury.

Fortunately for me, seeing the conflict surrounding my name, my grandfather started calling me Dee. Dee. I liked that and actually thought it fit me. I was Dee. It was simple, short and rarely misspelled. The first few days of each school year were nightmares, though, since teachers reading the class rolls always called out “Dixie Dolores Litten.” I had to ask them to change my name on the roll sheet. Why couldn’t my teachers get a few different names right on the first or second try?

That exasperation came back to haunt me years later when I began directing children’s choir. The most difficult choir roster contained a Chiasha, Cherisa and Cherise and I could never get them straight. I soon taught them – no matter what name I used – if I was looking at them, they better answer.

Names took on an added importance when serious dating began. Many a notebook page was filled with carefully penned Dees followed by any number of surnames – Jackson, Blackburn, Boehm, Davis, Tucker, Quimby, Melnick and Carreno. Then it finally happened and following a whirlwind courtship, I agreed to take on a new last name. I would be Dee Reed – actually Dixie Dolores Reed – but I didn’t dwell much on that.

Changing Names

My new name was easy to write, impossible to mispronounce and with the added feature of being a palindrome – backwards or forwards I was DEEREED. Having the new name was fun for a while and then I noticed that my mail was being delivered to someone I didn’t know very well — Mrs. Lawrence Reed. I’d lost my last name and my first name. No more would I say my name and have people immediately know who my father was or my brothers or grandfather. How would anyone know who I really was with this new name?

Motherhood came next and although I was thrilled with being Mom to Joelle and then three years later to Scott, even my husband started calling me Mom – something he quickly learned not to do. As my kids grew and I carpooled them around, I became Joelle’s Mom and Scott’s Mom. Where was Dee Reed in all this? Where had I gone? Therein lies the problem. I lacked the confidence that no matter what I was called, I was still a valuable child of God.

So maybe Shakespeare was right. Instead of wondering if I would be recognized by old classmates, friends of my brothers or coworkers of my father, I needed to rest in the promise that I would never be forgotten or overlooked by my Savior. 1 John 3 puts it all in the right perspective. "What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it -- we're called children of God! That's who we really are. But that's also why the world doesn't recognize us or take us seriously, because it has no idea who he is or what he's up to."(The Message). A child of God. That’s who I really am and all that worry about what you call me or if you call me is of no importance.

Not only that, no use getting too used to any name because I’m going to get a new one and so are you. "Everyone who is victorious will eat of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it" (Revelation 2:17 NLT).

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By Dee Reed. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE ® and the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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Last spring my wife was visiting a nursery looking over the flowers. She happened to be in the section where the Impatiens were displayed. Abruptly a young man walked up to where she was standing. “Beautiful, aren’t they?” he said softly. My wife responded, “Yes, they are. We always plant a few Impatiens each spring and these look especially nice.”

After a pause the young man spoke again, “I’m here to buy some myself.” And then he said something we will never forget: “Last year my wife wanted to buy some of these flowers but I talked her out of it. Then a few weeks ago she brought it up again, but I kind of brushed it off.”  There was a long pause, then with a broken voice he continued, “She died two weeks ago and I came here to….” And with that he turned and rushed off.

My wife and I will always remember this moving story. How tragic that we too often fail to realize how important something might be to our spouse and we miss the moment. During his first love days this man would have bought his wife more flowers than she wanted. Now it was too late to buy just one.

Any relationship can become lukewarm if it is allowed to. It doesn’t mean we aren’t still in love, it simply means we have neglected making sure the passion remained through the years.

Questions for Us All

1.  Do I show the same kindness and respect I did when we were first married?

2.  Do I make provision for special times with my spouse as often as I should?

3.  Am I conscious of his/her needs and desires and try to meet them as I once did?

4.  Do I verbally let my spouse know how important he/she is to my happiness?

5.  Are we still really good friends as well as lovers?

Why not sit down with your spouse during a date night and share where you feel your relationship needs to improve. Reminisce those first love days and make commitments to rekindle the old flames that once burned so brightly. It’s never too late…or is it?

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By David Snyder. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Dreamstime

On the sixth day of creation, as the culmination of God’s work, “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man,” (Genesis 2:22). When everything was completed, God noted that it was “very good”  and on the seventh day God rested from all his work and blessed the seventh day. God made a man, then a woman, and then He rested and blessed.

Our Western culture and lifestyles press us on every side with a franticness that demands deadlines and control—epidemics of high blood pressure and fear. Panic fills our homes and lives as our days and lives seem nothing but meaningless sand in tiny hourglasses.

From my time with pets, small children, and angry clients in my office, I have more fully realized that each of us possess an energy field (electrical heart and brain waves) that project from us and influence those in close proximity. Research has shown that depression is sort of “catching” if you have to live with someone that has that mood. I am pretty certain that anxiety is also catching. How is that we get the wrong “vibes” or “bad energy” from some people and do not want to stay in their presence? 

What if... God wanted women to help represent the rest and haven that we have in Him?That our inviting way would lead others to a rest for their souls in our presence, even in the midst of a busy life or dealing with those who are not walking with God.

Invites Rest

I Peter 3:1-6 provides a snapshot of wives, and their ordained beauty that invites others to rest with “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Further this scripture states we are daughters of Sarah if we “do what is right and do not give way to fear.” Fear leads us to controlling, frantic behavior. We know that “perfect love drives out fear, 1 John 4:18, and God is love, 1 John 4:16. Do the math!

Scripture is sprinkled with the pictures of women who are not trusting and restful creations: Proverbs 21:19, a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife; I Timothy 9:15 gossiping busybodies, I Timothy 3:11 malicious talkers, Titus 2:3-5, slanderers, and those addicted to wine.

I am inclined to believe that God had a design for men and women and the truth they would represent about Him by their genders. Yes, we are all His temples and priests according to 1 Peter 2:9, however, even by physical design, we have a distinct purpose. Women seem to be relationally oriented by brain and physique--we can invite in, incubate, provide sustenance—birthing not just babies, but new realities with our creativity. “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,” Isaiah 30:15.

Lord, make me a sanctuary. May my life be a restful invitation for others to come and be with Jesus, forever.

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By Karen Spruill, M.A. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
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Photo: Studiomill

One of my sons is majoring in Civil Engineering at college. He will be spending six weeks in Costa Rica and Panama, this spring and summer. It is not a vacation, rather it is part of his curriculum—he will get credit hours in Water Management Engineering that apply to his degree. 

My son is in his twenties, and plans to graduate in December. He is mature and responsible. So I should not worry, right?

Actually, that is right. I should not worry about him during this trip. Central America is not College Station, Texas, but neither is it the Somalia or Cambodia. Nor is hands-on Civil Engineering particularly hazardous—even in Central America. Thousands of other Americans my son’s age—sons and daughters of other American parents—are in places like Afghanistan or Iraq, serving in the United States military. Their hands-on work involves truly hazardous activities, including getting shot at. 

Despite this, I will worry—from the day his airplane leaves the ground en route to Central America until the wheels once more touch down in Texas. It may not be rational, but he is my son. I can only imagine the real concerns of those with sons and daughters in harm’s way with the American military overseas.

Time to Step Back

Yet despite my worries I would not stop him from doing this—any more than I would stop one of my adult sons from joining the United States military, if that was his desire. The most important part of being a parent is knowing that there is a time to step back, a time to let go. In your mind’s eye you remember your child as a six-year-old although he or she is an adult exercising judgment and responsibility. 

Nor am I unreasonable to worry. My father, now in his eighties, still worries about his three sons. To him we are painfully young—only in our fifties. Despite Dad's worries about my brothers and I,  he takes great pride in our successes. Just as I—despite my concerns—will be proud of what my son has achieved.

Even God, the Father of all of us is concerned about us, His children, as we make our way on Earth. Knowing that by giving us free will, we may fall into error. But He too, must feel pride in those of His children who choose a relationship with Him.

It is the paradox of parenting. You let yourself worry so that your children can achieve. But to succeed as a parent, to allow them to achieve what they are capable of achieving, you have to set aside those worries and let go.

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By Mark N. Lardas. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
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Photo: Alon Brik

I’ve worked with teenagers for over twenty years now and have loved every minute of it. Many I’ve known have been well-balanced, happy teens. Yet I’ve been surprised at the numbers who have faced either mild or serious depression. The causes of teen depression vary, but the warning signs are the same:

• Sadness or hopelessness
• Irritability, anger, or hostility
• Tearfulness or frequent crying
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Loss of interest in activities
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits
• Restlessness and agitation
• Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
• Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Difficulty concentrating
• Thoughts of death or suicide ¹

If you know a teen with these symptoms, don’t ignore them. Get help immediately from a doctor, counselor, pastor or someone who can get you the resources you need. There’s even a 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. What we don’t want to happen is for a teen’s depression to get so severe that he or she contemplates suicide. Here are some additional warning signs that they may be headed in that direction:

• Talking or joking about committing suicide
• Saying things like, “I’d be better off dead,” “I wish I could disappear forever,” or “There’s no way out”
• Speaking positively about death or romanticizing dying (“If I died, people might love me more”)
• Writing stories and poems about death, dying, or suicide
• Engaging in reckless behavior or having a lot of accidents resulting in injury
• Giving away prized possessions
• Saying goodbye to friends and family as if for good
• Seeking out weapons, pills, or other ways to kill themselves ²

In 2001, teen suicide was the third leading cause of death among young people ages 15-24. There’s no annual data regarding suicide attempts, but there are an estimated 8-25 attempted suicides for every teen suicide death. ³

As the mom of a teen, these statistics sadden me. The teen years are supposed to be some of the best years of a person’s life. They should be full of fun and friends, adventures and learning new things, getting to know Jesus and living that abundant life He talks about.

Many of our kids are in trouble. They need us. As parents, grandparents, teachers, pastors and family friends, we need to give our kids a break. We need to love them unconditionally, forgive them always, accept them as they are, be an example of a well-balanced and happy Christian, and offer them the support and help they need, should they face depression.

Don’t wait until it’s too late. Pay attention, ask questions, and most importantly, act on your intuition.

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By Nancy Canwell Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

¹ http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm
² Ibid.
³ http://www.familyfirstaid.org/suicide.html
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Photo: Lucian Coman

As I finished playing my guitar for a group of small children, I invited one little girl to come forward and strum my instrument. Immediately ten other children stepped forward begging to try it out as well. I firmly and kindly said, “No.” I even smiled as I looked at them. Most of them completely ignored my request and pushed forward to grab the guitar pick from the little girl who came forward.

Before war broke out, I decisively said, “Please sit down.” One little boy was extremely persistent. He refused to accept my request and tried again to grab my instrument. I asked him to sit down. He plopped down at my feet and promptly started to cry. I did not feel sorry for him for crying, but I did feel bad that he was demonstrating the lack of a social skill that would hamper his joy for the rest of his life.

Psychologists call this skill “delayed gratification” (or impulse control or will power). Here is the basic idea: when children learn to postpone some pleasing experience and focus on a longer term goal, they will be socially more stable and cognitively sharper. Social scientists have even performed long-term experiments with children (giving children marshmallows and asking them to wait 15 minutes before eating them and they would get a second one) that show those who delayed gratification performed scholastically better and coped better with stress years later on SAT tests.

Waiting Rooms

The Bible tells us, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14). God knows that waiting is a character quality, not just for children, but for adults as well. Life is full of opportunities to sit in “waiting rooms.” What can help us grow in this personal quality? The psychologists tell us it comes with having a “future-oriented goal” in mind. For the Christian, that’s a no-brainer. Our goal is to be in God’s kingdom, to enjoy the company of angels and meet Christ personally. Eternal life is a worthy goal that comes by waiting in faith.

Parents can teach their children to wait by their own examples. They can encourage their children to exercise the “wait” muscle and then reward them accordingly. Unfortunately, for the little boy who just couldn’t wait to play my guitar, his mother’s example helped him in the wrong direction. She was recently charged for drug abuse and stealing. She is on her way to prison. I pray my little friend (her son) will learn that waiting is a better pathway. I want to help him know the art of delayed gratification.

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By Curtis Rittenour. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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